I didn't mean to cause you pain

There are consequences for everything you do. You know that. You accept that. And yet, we are rarely prepared for the consequences of our actions. They are hard to calculate and harder to foresee.

I said in my last post that I was not fully prepared for all the consequences of coming out as an unbeliever. I knew that some who had known me would be surprised, maybe shocked. Some would be angry or disappointed. All of that happened. I was prepared for that. I foresaw all of that. 

I did not appreciate fully the extent that some would be hurt by it.

I'm not talking specifically about those who feel that I lied to them in the past when we talked about our faith. I carry some level of guilt about that myself, especially in light of the fact that I carried on teaching Bible class and speaking in meetings while I was internally questioning everything I was saying. Even then, I tried to couch what I said in a thin layer of scepticism by playing devil's advocate in any discussion, a position I found more comfortable than the 'party line'.

The reactions that have troubled me most are of those family and friends who are now worried that I have damned myself to hell. There are people I care about that have cried and told me that they fear for me. It makes no difference what *I* believe, the fact that they believe that by turning my back on God and everything I've been taught and professed, I may have talked my way out of heaven and into eternal punishment, is what causes them pain. And there's nothing I can say to heal that. These are people I love and care about, and I'm causing them pain. That's a hard place to be.

And yet, I can't do anything else. Important as it is to me that I am never the cause of anyone's pain and never a source of concern for anyone, I cannot be dishonest. To their credit, my family and friends agree. They don't want me to lie simply to make them feel better. For that, I'm thankful.

I have learned, more than anything else, that we do not live our lives in isolation. Everything you say, do, agree to, promote, share or pass on strengthens the social connections between you and those that you share your life with, however transiently. People come to rely on those connections to communicate with and relate to you. Anything you do to the foundations of those connections will have consequences for the people at the other end.

Be thoughtful about how you feed and nourish your relationships and connections to others. Take time to think about what your relationships are built on. For the people that really matter to you, make sure those connections are based on multiple foundations, because the day will come when you or they will change and something you once related to will be gone. Only relationships based on more than a single thread will survive that.